The blessings from seeing past lives are immeasurable and beyond the imagination. Beneath the swirling energies of emotion, lies a treasure trove of woven threads of Soul’s ever unfolding journey in divine love. A recent insight into a past fife unravelled a long binding karmic link.
It was a Dutch life in the 1700s I was a young woman married to a writer who enjoyed- mid level fame. He basked in this fame as it got him invited to society parties where he thrived under the attention of impressionable ladies. Suffice to say he often took advantage of their naivety.
We lived in a modest two and a half story house with an attic in the country. We had moved from the city to the countryside as he believed the tranquility would inspire him to be a writer of greater substance. As was common in European society of old, we had guests staying at our lovely country home for the summer. One particular guest stood out. She was his cousin. I disliked her right from the start. She had a way of worming herself into the center of attention and enjoyed deploying her womanly wiles over the husbands of other women without inhibition. My husband was utterly besotted with her charm.
Covet flirtations between them became blatant as his cousin was invited to stay on by my husband whilst the rest of the guests returned home. Weeks passed and I felt increasingly depressed about my inability to have control over this painful situation. My nights were spent beseeching God for a way out of this misery.
One morning in mid- autumn, I went to the village center to buy provisions. The long walk to the village became a welcome joy from the unhappiness at home. I would walk slowly, bathing in the serenity of mother nature. Shopping in the village was a joyful getaway. One shop I loved was a shoe shop where I had been a customer.
When I got home, I noticed the house was unusually quiet. There was no fire burning at the fireplace and the autumn chill filled the house. I went upstairs to the bedroom to change. There, on the small writing desk by the bedroom window, was an envelope with my name written on it in my husband's handwriting. My heart thumped as I ripped open the envelope and read the cruel contents in the letter. They revealed that he had sold the house and I was to move out immediately as the new owner would take possession of it in the evening. Rubbing salt to the wound, he added that he had left for the city with his new love, his cousin.
My mind went blank from the shock. Then I felt dizzy and my legs gave way. I screamed my heart out and cried uncontrollably. As the shock subsided, in a daze, I packed my clothes into a bag and left the house. I walked into the village and flitted aimlessly from one shop window to another.
Helplessness and hopelessness weighed heavily on me. Standing by the bank of the lake at the back of the village, I contemplated ending my life. A little white dog went under my long skirt and began happily licking my lower legs. Despite the emotional state I was in, I burst into laughter with tears of joy rolling down my cheeks.
The laughter and love from the dog chased away the hopelessness and in its place, courage and hope grew. Turning away from the lake, I went back to the village. I went into the shoe shop and asked the shoemaker if he needed the services of a housekeeper. The shoemaker was an older man who lived alone. He could not afford to pay me and we settled on him providing me shelter and food in return.
The shoemaker treated me with much kindness, taking care of my physical and material needs. This became a lifetime of care and companionship.
These scenes of this past life were revealed to me on several occasions when I asked the Mahanta for understanding of my feelings of low self-esteem which had plagued me for most of my life. Though I was shown this past life several times, healing was incomplete with a desire waiting to be fulfilled. It is only recently when I got a strong nudge to write about this past life, that the Mahanta brought a closure to this centuries old experience. As I sat on the bed writing this story, the Mahanta opened my spiritual eye and showed me this truth in that past life:
I was very young when I married the writer in that life I never felt comfortable around him as he had a way of making me feel inadequate. It was a life in which my innocence fell prey to the treachery of a scheming partner. My love and adoration for him made me blind to his wicked and selfish nature, I felt very insecure and hated that neediness for his approval. I was bound to him like a slave, making his happiness my goal in life. Surely, I thought, he would come to see how much I loved him. Naturally, the relationship did not last long and it ended with him making me feel responsible for the sad state of affairs. This unworthiness I felt hounded me for lifetimes.
Seeing the truth set me free not only from low self-worth but also from another hidden emotion - anger. I was angry that I was inadequate. With anger out of the way, I feel forgiveness for the two Souls that brought such deep-seated emotions in me. They, like me, also have a place in SUGMAD's grand plan for Soul. Love and forgiveness opened my eyes to see he was an instrument for my spiritual growth. We are interwoven threads in this divine journey home to God. Everyone has a purpose and everything is in its rightful place.
There is yet a second and greater realization from this past life experience. I realized that the words 'I am always with you' spoken by the Mahanta, are not ceremonial words. The love in these words are beyond the language of words to capture. I am deeply grateful for the presence of the Mahanta in my present life and in lives of long ago. This realization has renewed my courage to continue my journey home to God.